Wedding speeches: running order, timing and how to not lose the room

The traditional order

1. 1Father of the bride
2. 2The groom (on behalf of the couple)
3. 3The best man
4. 4Increasingly: the bride, and the maid of honour

There is no rule. Plenty of Irish weddings now open with the couple speaking together, and it works.

Timing

Five minutes each. Seven is the outer limit. Four speeches at five minutes with applause and settling is about thirty-five minutes, which is right.

The best man who runs to fifteen minutes is not remembered fondly.

Before or after the meal?

Before is increasingly common and, honestly, better:

• Nervous speakers eat their dinner instead of dreading it
• The room is sober, attentive and seated
• The kitchen gets a clean run at service
• Nothing goes cold while someone finds their notes

After is traditional and gives the room time to warm up. If you go after, do it between the main and dessert, not at the end when people have drifted to the bar.

Practical rules

• A microphone, always. Even in a small room. Especially for quiet speakers.
• Tell the photographer and videographer the order so they are positioned.
• Cards, not phones. Phone screens lock, and it reads badly in photographs.
• Someone should MC, even informally. Silence between speeches is where a room goes flat.

Read it aloud, standing, to another person, at least once. Everything that does not work reveals itself immediately.

Content that lands

Specific, warm and short. One story told properly beats five references nobody outside the group gets. Thank the people who paid and the people who travelled. Say something true about the person you married.

Avoid: exes, stag night material, anything requiring the phrase "you probably had to be there".